Inside the Mind of TERRIBLE TONY

@terribletonyxx

On the precipice of the opening of his first solo exhibition, En Bloom, I took some time to sit down with a sacred son of South Bend and one of the city's most prominent visual artists, Terrible Tony.

The sidewalks of downtown South Bend were dotted with life as the town basked in the sun on this calm spring evening. After an especially long midwestern winter, things were blooming once again. And for Terrible Tony, he was in tune with it all.

As he unlocked the doors and led me into Bunbury Gallery after hours, through even the silence you could begin to feel the volume of the walls around you. There was nothing but art talking out and clamoring for your attention, no distractions from the beauty. The always humble Tony paused in a moment of gratitude, his sage-like calmness radiating wherever he goes. He reflected on how this room would soon transform by the end of the week; deadlines to be made, work still needing to be done, canvases still awaiting paint. I hovered around from piece to piece of different artists as we all took in what would soon be the stage for En Bloom.

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"Good energy is more contagious than negative energy." - Terrible Tony

SOURCE: So take us through your mind for the conception of En Bloom.

TT: They've been an experiment, just trying new things, trying new mediums. The flowers kind of subconsciously came out, you know? I kept doing them and it felt right, the experimenting of it is still fresh and fun. The name kind of came from Nirvana's song In Bloom because I'm a huge fan, but at the same time it has multiple meanings. There's moments sometimes where I feel like I'm in a blooming phase— a late blooming phase. I know people feel a way about me, but in my mind, I feel like I'm just getting started with the art, creativity, and expressing myself. I feel like everything up to now has kind of felt like practice.

I feel like En Bloom is showcasing the blossoming of trying new things and experimenting. There's no rules with the flowers, it's just fun. I'm just trying different things. It has meanings, but it's also meaningless in a way too if that makes sense, not to be all deep and weird. They might have a title that might resonate with the mood I'm feeling at that time because they aren't all colorful, there's one over there [gestures across the gallery] that's all black, I think I named that one Funeral. It's just channeling emotions, the blooming of creativity and trying new things.

 I want to just be able to do something for where I'm from, pay homage. I've seen South Bend Bloom, feeling like there was nothing to do to now there's so much to do you can't even go to everything. There's an element of En Bloom about giving people their flowers, appreciating people, even giving yourself flowers.

SOURCE: What was your first creative memory?

TT: My first creative memory... Definitely drawing. It took me a long time to start painting, but I always used to like to draw. Comic book characters, Sonic the Hedgehog, Doug. Being like probably five, six, just trying to copy characters. Nicktoons, Fox Kids, Cartoon Network, all that. A 90s kid for sure.

SOURCE: How did that grow for you?

TT: It's always been just... something I've enjoyed doing. My idea of what I wanted to do in life has changed all throughout my life. So it's always been some sort of art, whether it was I want to be a comic creator or a video game developer, its always been something.

SOURCE: I feel media plays a big part in your work, how do you personally feel about the label of pop art?

TT: It makes sense to me because yeah it's art based off of popular culture. Whatever is kind of popular in the current zeitgeist, I guess it can easily fall under the pop art label. But I know that I have other elements to my art other than pop, but I would say pop is probably the strongest influence, whether it's music, icons, cartoon characters, or sports people. Just whatever's kind of getting humans excited in that moment has always been some sort of inspiration. Not always, sometimes humans get excited for weird stuff. [ laughs]

SOURCE: You do add your own element to the media that inspires you. So how do you try to avoid that label or being put in a 'box', even if it's something you're not even thinking about, or something that just subconsciously happens?

TT:  I saw a quote recently that's been resonating with me a lot, from Rick Rubin, and he was saying that the best way to serve the audience is to ignore the audience. And I try to follow that philosophy, because when you get caught up into 'the box', into trying to satisfy everybody, you start to kind of lose the power of the art a little bit, because you're trying to make other people happy before yourself. I think art has always somewhat been like a therapeutic thing for me. So even before I knew how to make money off of it, I was making it just because I loved it, you know, and because it felt right. So I never want to get so caught up in all the other stuff that I forget that. Because the pure feeling is where the art comes from, not the money. When you start focusing on the money, that's kind of when people don't mess with it. But when you're just being yourself, people kind of gradually gravitate towards it more natural.

SOURCE: How would you say you developed that distinctive style that you've curated?

TT: I would honestly say boredom, just like I've switched my style up a lot throughout the years and throughout my life. Getting really good at a certain style and then it just kind of loses its fun because you know, you're just doing the same thing over so you got to always add a new element into it to kind of keep it fun and fresh. So yeah, just like the smear stuff. I used to buy paint brushes from like Joann's... RIP Joann's. Y'all held it down. Thank you. [laughter and reminiscing ensues]

"Art is art. It don't really matter what, or materials in general, it doesn't really matter if you have the best stuff or the cheapest stuff. It's just the intent of the creation. I've made some really good paintings with cheap art and I've made some bad paintings with good art."

SOURCE: What are some of your foundational influences?

TT: Again, I grew up in the 90s, so a lot of the typical answers, but it's just the truth. Again, Sonic, I love that that's even still popular in this day and age. I got nieces and nephews that love it now, so it's a cool full circle moment. But Sonic, Dragon Ball Z, Cowboy Bebop, just the classic anime's when they were coming to America for the first time.

SOURCE: Tell me more about that, we talked about that earlier. You experienced firsthand that initial wave of anime over here and how much it's accepted into the pop culture and into the mainstream now. What was that like being on the front lines for that?

TT: It was lit because you had to literally run home from school to watch Dragon Ball Z or you're gonna miss the episode. It wasn't no streaming, I guess unless you was taping it or something. Bu there wasn't no just binge watching things. The new episode is coming on right now... hurry up and get home, catch Toonami. It was Dragon Ball Z, Yu Yu Hakusho, Outlaw Star. Just cool artwork. We were talking about the music of the series'. I just never seen a full packaged animation that cares so much about the arts all around. Cause I feel like the stuff in America was kind of more silly. Like Cowboy Bebop is fun and it's funny, but there's serious elements to it. And then they have blues music and a lot of the titles were references to rock and blues songs. So it was just like so coded. As a kid, I didn't know what a lot of that stuff meant. I just liked it. But as I got older and got more cultured, I started to kind of see the more coded elements of these animes and how much they put into the art.

SOURCE: What's your all time favorite anime?

TT: Akira was a huge influence, but Cowboy Bebop, for sure. Yu Yu Hakusho was up there, I like Trigun, pretty much a lot of the stuff from that era because it was my introduction to it.

SOURCE: And you can't talk Cowboy Bebop without bringing up Samurai Champloo.

TT: Yeah that was basically the hip-hop version of Cowboy Bebop. We spoke off camera about the Departure album by Nujabes and Fat Jon. I've been listening to that since like 2010-11,  really just beautiful. I used to like listen to it to go to bed, I've been with homies freestyling over songs. So it's just a memorable, meaningful album. And that was Adult Swim, that as well was a huge influence. Watching Home Movies and Aqua Teen Hunger Force and just all those like weird, silly shows. But then you stay up late enough and it's Inuyasha and Ghost in the Shell. So you kind of get into some of everything.

 "I feel like you are what you surround yourself with. So I couldn't help but to follow suit with that energy. As soon as he gets up, he's working on his music. So not shortly after I'd be on the same with my art."

SOURCE: Take me through the moment that you decided to pursue art full time as a career.

TT: I want to say 2014, 15, something like that. I had a roommate at the time, my boy Eli. Shout out to my bro. At that time he had a job and he had just quit. He's a musician, so he was just doing his music full time and going hard and booking all these shows and traveling. And he had a good job. He had the security and all that, but it was like... I don't know, just seeing him just say F it and go for it was a huge inspiration. I feel like you are what you surround yourself with. So I couldn't help but to follow suit with that energy. As soon as he gets up, he's working on his music. So not shortly after I'd be on the same with my art. I had like a little art room to the side. He'd be in the studio and we had a lot of homies always pulling up to the house. Shout out Ricky and Heyzues. It was a real cool, creative atmosphere. So I would say that was probably the turning point where I felt like it was possible. And I had a job at that time, but I got fired, so it was kind of like the perfect time.

"I think the day I got fired, I literally sold a painting. Just the Association of cool, creative homies and just the willpower to do it."

SOURCE: What was that early hustle like living with Heyzeus?

TT: It was fire man. That's my brother, shout out the bro. A huge pillar in the city, like I call that dude the mayor. Both of them, they really are huge influences to what I do. But with the Heyzeus situation, we got cool even years before that. I think we got cool online first because we were into the same music. And then we both were artists, so we ended up just seeing each other around. It got cool, start kicking it, go thrifting and all that. That was like back in the day when like it wasn't so oversaturated. It's hard to find good stuff around here now, but thrifting here used to be pretty lit. Just finding your people the same way like PSM— I don't know how long y'all have known each other but I see like y'all passion for the arts and creating like a team. It was like that, it just happened naturally and we formed a group called Syndicate. Shout out to all the brothers, AD , Swish, D Boogie. Everybody, I ain't trying to forget nobody. [laughs]

SOURCE: Not to be on some Nardwuar shit and just bring up some random past personal detail, but many moons ago you mentioned being in the Air Force. [grins ear to ear] Tell me about that. What led you in? How did that experience shape into the Terrible Tony story?

TT: Yeah that was an experience, I've lived a couple lives, man. That was fresh out of high school. I got a strong, beautiful black Mama that ain't going for that. So she's like, either get a job and go to college or you can go to the military, you're gonna do something. I didn't want to go to school here, but my grades was too bad to go somewhere else, but I didn't want to stay in Indiana. I'm a teenager, I've had it up to here with this place. I just want to be an artist and go to Chicago and follow my dreams.

But I have a big brother who was in the Air Force, so he kind of was like the guide for that. Shout out to the bro. I'm still cool with a lot of them dudes from BMT and all that, so shout out to all the homies. I only went because they pay for school and I wanted to go to the Art Institute in Chicago. So I had a plan. It didn't succeed, but there was a plan. I went there, did BMT, boot camp and all that. Graduated, went to Tech school, it's kind of like college. You got a roommate and you walk into class every day. It's real boring and mundane. But that's the part where it was like... yeah, I don't think this is for me, you know what I'm saying?

Long story short, I ended up getting kicked out. I didn't do nothing crazy, I don't get no dishonorable discharge or nothing. But the Air Force basically came and was like, "I don't think this is for you." And I was like, "I think yall right." And we parted ways. But no regrets at all because I will say, the most important thing I learned from that was just to appreciate things because in BMT they strip you of everything. They shave your head, your facial hair. There's no contact really with the outside world for a couple weeks. You don't get to make those phone calls. You got to earn the right to write letters home. So just having everything taken away from you and you got to work back to get it. I feel like that taught me a pretty big lesson for sure. And learned just how, I don't know, weird and corrupt the government can be to a little bit. I learned a lot.

"We just live in this age where we're talking about something today and then tomorrow we forget about it."

SOURCE: When I see your output on social media and how on the game you are it makes me ask; what's the key to your consistency and self discipline?

TT: You just got to really be on it. And I'm not the only person, I follow a lot of artists that are even quicker than me. And it's not a race because we're all kind of recreating it in our own way. But in this day and age, there is a timeliness to those type of things. We just live in this age where we're talking about something today and then tomorrow we forget about it. It's the GNX thing one day, and then it could be something totally different the next day. Whether it's like a sports thing or a Kanye tweet, it could be anything.

So you just got to choose what, but it's not always just a viral moment. Sometimes it's a moment that we all are witnessing together. Like the Super Bowl thing, I painted that cause I thought it was dope too. It inspired me. I wanted to hurry up and try to get this done while people are still talking about it and all that. And I felt like it would kind of just translate good with the style I do, but... you really just gotta be quick, man. And to be real with you, I don't ever feel like I'm putting out a huge output or I'm doing enough.

"So I think it's like I'm always chasing something. I don't know what it is I'm chasing, but there's just so many things I want to create and I don't have the time to do all of it. I just do as much as I can, and even in that, I feel like I could go harder for real."

SOURCE: It's inspirational, in a way, hearing how maybe even the best of us can be in our own heads sometime.

TT: I live in my head, I'm always thinking about what's next or overanalyzing things, all of that. I get imposter syndrome sometimes. But there's times where I look at a piece of art where I killed that. So its a balance.

"I doubt myself just like everybody else does, but regardless of the doubt, I just know how much I love creating and making art. So whether I'm doing it for an audience or not, I'm always going to be creating. I deal with that stuff, but you just got to push through it and just keep going, see the value you bring to the world and vice versa"

SOURCE: What's your personal favorite piece of yours?

TT: It was a picture I did of Grace Jones. It was kind of like a breakthrough moment. I painted her, but I didn't give her a face. I just made it real smooth, and it's a silhouette of her high top and her blazer. But it's just real kind of... geometrical almost. This is when I lived with Eli, and we lived right by Brother's bar. I remember when I was painting it, I left to brothers to go drink and stuff. I came back kind of, you know, tipsy. I remember I stayed up all night finishing it probably till six-seven in the morning. Keep it real with you, other than like this [gestures to the canvas on the wall behind us], there's not a lot of these pictures that I can remember the time I even made it. It's like they just kind of come out. But that Grace Jones has stuck with me. And I feel like I don't think I could replicate it if I tried.

So that's my favorite piece for sure to this day, that's like 2016.

Grace Jones, another pioneer of just like, cool artsy weird black people, you know? I hope to be in that category one day, just weird black people that were creative and inspired people. So that's a goal. You dig? ODB, Grace Jones, all that. Lil B.

SOURCE: Bitch Mob Task Force hall of fame.

SOURCE: Tell me about the LangLab. How did that relationship first bloom?

TT: My first time there ever was 2013. Soon as you pull up, it's sketchy. It's just this weird, abandoned-looking building. I'm like, this is the right place? And then you walk in and it literally transforms. It's like an art clubhouse. I was blown away by the energy and the place. When they were trying to start getting artist studios in there, they had reached out to see if I wanted one in there. It's been amazing. I had a studio before and that was a cool studio too, but the energy at LangLab is contagious, you know? You can go upstairs and create and you can come down and mosh, or it might be a rap show, it might be a folk show, it might be a gothic night.

 "Lang Lab is a very special place. We got to protect it at all costs."

SOURCE: Cliché question; what advice would you give to your former self or another young artist?

TT: Lock in, little homie. Don't be so in your head. I'm talking to my current self too. There's nobody like you. We're all individuals, we all got our own influences, our own minds to think. Don't think that idea you're doing is dumb because you don't know who it's going to resonate with. Just create, keep putting stuff out there. See what works, see what doesn't work. You have to believe that what you're doing is dope and it's worth it. And it is. You're worth it. And you're dope, so just keep going. Keep locking in and just keep doing you. You don't got to change for nobody. Be who you was called to be.

SOURCE: Before we leave, I have to ask, where did the 'Terrible' originate from?

TT: MySpace. I'm old. [laughs] I had multiple screen names and Terrible Tony was the one that stuck. From Myspace I think Twitter came out, and I was just still Terrible Tony. So it's like an online name and persona that's kind of come into fruition in real life, which is kind of weird, you know what I mean? Because these things used to be kind of so separate. When I created it [MySpace] you had to sit down at a chair and a computer and log into it. It wasn't on your phone, it wasn't this constant. We're constantly in the matrix, we don't log out no more. You had to get on and you had to get off. We're in it. 24/7 and it's like it's a whole different world, so It's pretty interesting that this kind of online identity I created was able to the physical world.

SOURCE: What's next for Terrible Tony?

TT:  Whatever I'm working on, I'm already kind of thinking about what's next. And I'm trying to stop that appreciate the present more, be in the right here right now. When you're always thinking about what's next, it's easy for you to not appreciate what's happening. And so I don't ever want to get so lost up in the bs or the hyper stuff. I want to do this and I want it to go well. But I have other shows I want to do this year for sure. Whatever I do this year, I wanted to start off here. So when I do [travel], it's like I can take that South Bend energy with me wherever I go and do a show next.

To quote rappers, that wasn't an album, that was a mixtape.

@terribletonyxx

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